It has been 2.5 months since uni started and I have to admit, it as not been easy. But on the bright side it is now 4 more weeks till holiday and then exams and lastly my well deserved Dec holiday break! :D In these few months, life definitely has been surprising. Met new people, caught up with old friends, made new friends that I think will last for quite long, felt stressed after 8 long months, tried many new things and definitely studied like hell. This sem I have to say I've been damn reckless with trying new stuff. Haha. Like walking from UTown to Arts in the middle of the night, staying up till 3/4 am just to observe a planet, going to a bar to drink? Guess, I really did or am going to do things I myself would never thought I'd do 4/5 years ago. Haha. It definitely been a fun yet tiring journey.

Quite hard to believe that finals are almost here! About 5 weeks time and I'll be back in the hall sitting for papers. Before I know it, Christmas might come round along with new year and the whole bidding process will begin again. But I will be very glad that the worst is over. (I hope.) Though next sem I'll be chionging 4 core bio mods. Here comes 16 hours of lab a week. Okay, maybe the worst is not over. Hahaha. Back to the present, I am finaly 2/3 way through my WCT! Just submitted paper 2 today. 2 down one more paper to go. Almost there. This could be as bad as PW. Haha. Hopefully, I can come think of an interesting paper topic to get me a B+ or A-. Highly doubt it though, but if I believe in it, half my battle is won, right?

Next week is going to be another hectic week and it will fly by like any other week and I'l be even closer to finals. Then again, faster come faster go right? So singlish yet so true.

Let this week be a great one. :)

a passing

The start of this week hasn't been going extremely well. Heck, I don't even think it can be classified as well. Just 4 years ago, as most of you would know, I attended my grandmother's funeral and that didn't go quite well, mentally at least. And just when I thought that I barely got over it, life throws me another one. This time, I just don't know how to feel anymore. Ask me if I'm sad I'll say yes. Ask me if I'm doing okay I'll say yes. Ask me if I miss her, I'll say yes definitely.  But the thing is the tears won't come. Should I take that as a good or bad sign? I'm not too sure anymore. Somehow to me, it's as if I'm refusing to accept the reality that she's gone.  In the coffin she sleeps oh so peacefully but the make up and stuff make me hard to believe that that is her.

Long gone is her bright blue eyes, lively and awake that though she may forget things that happened barely 1 hour ago, she still knows who you are. And for me, I'm still the little girl who will play cooking with her while she eats my invisible fried rice. The little girl who asked her how to do chinese homework, with her sitting next to me checking her little chinese dictionary to ensure that I got the right words and my essay makes sense. The little girl who slept next to her, asking her how to speak various words in cantonese and asking her what she had for dinner. The little girl who asked her to watch a korean drama with and till this date I still remember those times clearly.

Long gone were those times but the memories remain fresh in my mind,  a simple trigger could result in the flood of memories to come forth but yet no tears will follow. To say I miss her will be an understatement.  I miss her terribly. I think what i regret the most would be not being able to see her a few days let alone a month before she passed on. I miss her cheery greetings every morning when I see her. I miss her smile when she sat at the dining table eating dinner or waiting to be pushed back to the room. I miss her small waves of hello and sudden burst of laughter at our jokes. In all, I miss her. It kinds of scare me to know that most of my grandparents are gone and that all I have left is my granddad.  But I guess life is like that? It's only a matter of time before  it's my siblings and me left.

I guess writing this out does help me sort my feelings out but I think it's mainly to remind me of this day, of my memories with her before I forget what her voice sounded like, what she looked like and what her character was like. Hopefully, her passing becomes my strength and if I do look back at this post, I'll remember how much I've grown and that all along she is watching me from up there.  Protecting me and smiling at me. I guess 19 years with my grandmother was the best thing that could have happened to anyone and I'm grateful for it. But most of all, I love you mama and I miss you and I'll think about you everyday.

I have decided to start May with a goal in mind. I'm finally starting my exercise routine to exercise on the days I'm not working. :D So far, it's progressing well though it has only been 4 days. Went to Bishan Park to run but I was over-ambitious, thinking I can complete 2 rounds when the last time I ran was close to 2 months ago. Sigh. But still it was a good start today! :)

Anyway, about what I have been up to for the past few weeks since I last posted, I thought I could finally decide which university to go to when NTU throws me something unexpected. They sent me a package and my mum opened it first as I was out at that time and this was how our convo went:

Mum: Steffi! NTU sent you a letter! Guess what it says?
Me: I got a scholarship?
Mum: You got go for the interview meh?
Me: No.
Mum: Then?!?

Haha, guess I was being way over my head. Well, it turns out to be an invitation to join their accelerated bachelor's programme where I graduate in 3.5 years rather than 4. Just like that, I was thrown into another crossroad. On the one hand, if I go to NTU I get to save my parents half a year's worth of tuition fees and do what I like but on the other hand, NTU is damn far and most of my friends are going to NUS. So right now my balance is like money and environment vs distance and friends. Adding on to that, NTU just has to have their tea session regarding the school of biological sciences on the same day as NUS Faculty of Science open house. Seriously, WHYYYYYYYY???? Ugh, I'm so frustrated in having to decide which to go for!

A Month To Remember

This month has been filled with surprises! I finally quit the agency that posted me to MBS. Well, to me I have quited but to them I'm just someone who doesn't reply to their messages, but I couldn't care less. Found a new job with another agency that is definitely more friendly and more fun to work with! On Wednesday, I went for my first job assignment at Sugar and Spice at Labrador Park. It was one of the best places I've worked so far. The staff were very friendly though the manager is damn strict when it comes to service. I'm just glad that I didn't get scolded by him. Whew. I saw him scolding the kitchen prep guy and I felt kinda bad because it wasn't entirely his fault and I admire him for being able to suck it all up. If it was me, it would be a no brainer that I'd cry on the spot and the last thing I wanted was to cry on my first day there. Haha. Other than me spilling on a customer some fish sauce (thank god for her being extremely nice and forgiving me almost instantly, for a moment the thought of being scolded by the manager flashed through my mind and I did not anticipate myself surviving after that), I did pretty decent though it was my first time waitressing at a proper restaurant. I was quite surprised when the perm staff there didn't believe it was my first time waitressing for an F&B outlet. Haha. I take that as a good sign then? :D Well, the manager sad I did okay, so I should take his word for it and he wanted to hire me full time. It's not that I mind but travelling all the way there is kinda tiring. Anyway, he said he would ask the agency first so I leave it as it is.

Yesterday, I did my first volunteer work at J.P Morgan Marathon and it was damn fun! Well, at the beginning it was kinda awkward cause I met up with the girl whom I wasn't on good terms with recently, but I'm happy that we managed to patch things up yesterday! Haha. No more awkward turtles! We gathered at the F1 Pit Garage 6 and i was in awe of the pit. I was amazed by the layout inside though it was kinda empty. But being able to be inside to see the tyre marks and the layout of the pit is like every F1 fan dream come true. It'd be better if the teams and cars were in there but I'm satisfied. 2 years ago, I got the chance to step on the very ground the cars would be parked and saw the lot that Vettle took that year. Haha. This time it's in the pit itself! If it wasn't for the marathon I was running the last time, I would have stopped and ask my parents to take a photo of my standing on the no. 1 grid! Haha. Anyway, made a few friends with some guys from TP and they were a fun batch to hang out with. There were about 4 of them but we needed 3 ppl in a group so we asked them and one of them joined us. I would be lying if I said the start it was not awkward but the process as to how we started talking to each other was kinda funny.

We exchanged names.
*Awkward silence*
Asked to grab ice cream and we did! (MISS THE ICE CREAM FROM THOSE STANDS BY THE ROAD!)
*Awkward silence*
Finally we asked where he was studying and what course and we started bonding from there! We definitely worked well as a team!

Anyway, our role was basically to tag the runners' bags and store them in a truck and to pass it back to the runners at the finishing line. The epic part was the runners would be gathered at the area across the padang and so we were loaded into each truck and driven there. It was quite funny cause all of us sat at the back of the truck like illegal immigrants! Haha. Eventually, my group was assigned to a truck B and everything was set on a route to awesomeness and more fun. The cisco security guy assigned to our team to carry out the spot checks was damn friendly and fun though he looked scary at first. But soon the 4 of us were as close as anyone could be in a day. We laughed together, joked together and worked together. He was nice to help us with the marking of the runners tags and he was the only one out of the rest of the teams that actually helped and joked with us. Kinda sad that we won't be working together again but the friends I made yesterday won't be so easily forgotten. :)

Got my sights set on the next volunteer work at the Sundown Marathon! Hopefully my mum will let me go. :D

I shouldn't say stuff like I will post everyday at this rate cause it won't happen. -.-" So in a blink of a eye, a month has passed since my last post. Well almost. Another month has came and passed and it's down to 4 more months of holiday! Time is seriously passing way too fast. Anyway, a quick update on my life:

1. I finished all my applications for scholarships and uni. currently facing the dilemma of NTU or NUS. Heart is definitely leaning towards NTU. Haha.
2. Started working part time at MBS for the sake of money for my HK trip but it is damn tiring. I think this will be like the one and only period I'll ever work for MBS. Haha.
3. Collected my tickets for CN Blue concert!!! Can't believe it is just 2 more weeks!!! damn excited. hehe.
4. Saw my chem tutor at j8. I seriously couldn't believe my luck when that happened. x.x
5. I finally got my own ATM card!!! Plus a debit card and it's kinda sad to know that I spent $10 using it to make an online payment for a ticket to a bio career fair. This make me sound like a total loser with no life except on my future career. HAHA.

That about sums it up. My life in a month. Haha. Well, based on my last post about a month ago, it's good as saying that we are back to square one. A lot of incidents happened after that, I really said too soon or in this case typed too soon. I have no idea how to mend it back and I have really given up and if given a choice I rather things stay this way. But the problem is, fate seems to think otherwise as she has my hard drive which my brother wants back along with me volunteering with her to help out for some marathon. Seriously steph, what in the world were you thinking?!? I wasn't thinking.

Oh well, in times like these, got to go with the flow then.

Portal Back In Time

I just realised how hard it is to keep blogging everyday since I come home tired and really reluctant to type my day out but if I don't, I think I'll really forget all the little incidents that might have happened. Today was one such incident.

It all started at the beginning of 2013 where we stopped talking ever since I felt like I was a substitute for you whenever you had nobody to go out with. But things changed during results day where we finally started talking again. I had to admit, it was extremely awkward. Thoughts like "What do I say? Where do I start?" actually ran through my mind. I don't think I'll ever tell you that I saw you on the bus. That I knew you were sitting at the front with your friend. That I pretended to look at my phone when you got up. That I stole glances to see if you actually saw me. That we took the bus to the side gate just to avoid you. Truly, I regret what I did and I'll confess that that isn't what a best friend should do.

When you arrived in school, you sat next to me like it was the easiest decision that you had to make and i really did not feel comfortable and I think you knew too. I had no idea what to say, fearing that what I say might hurt you instead. True enough, you started the conversation first and I thought things might not be that bad. After that, I promised that I would text you but I decided to text you on the next day and by like 7pm that day you said you couldn't wait for my text. Haha. Then you started telling me how you were waiting for me to initiate a conversation in the past 2 months then nothing happened.

At that time, I really wanted to go back to time to right my wrong but there will not be some hidden time travel portal that will pop up from my garden. Though I wished there would be one and I would have just forgiven you on the spot and started our usual conversation the week after though I'm pretty sure you will complain a lot but hey, everyone has their weaknesses right?

When you told me how awkward it had become between the both of us, it would be a lie to say that I didn't agree. But being myself, I am always willing to start off the conversation with where we left off and be as open as I was the last time. Though we might not have been talking much, I am pretty much the same person you knew for 2 years. But it did sting when our 2 years of friendship just crumbled when we did not talk for 2 months. I'm sure it will take a while to mend it back and I am hoping it is before you fly off for an overseas uni.

Just when I wished for a portal back in time, I think that opportunity came today. Though it might not have been the literal sense of me going back in time to talk to you in the 2 months, I felt that we really became closer after spending almost an entire day together! I definitely was hesitating about today since it will be kinda awkward especially since the last time I met you was like during results. Today, I can say that we ate good food, talked and laughed a lot! (A side point, I recommend Ippudo Ramen at Mandrine Gallery. It's superb! Go early to avoid the queue! :D) Like a portal back in time, I finally caught up to the present with you and it was as if that 2 months had never occurred. I really did enjoy talking nonsense with you and just sharing very random thoughts that came to my mind. I am really glad that I didn't give this opportunity a miss and neither did you.

Even though a time slip to the past do not exist, I do believe that opportunities to do what you couldn't do in the past really do exist in the form of a "time slip" in the present. As I found out today, for a "time slip" to occur, it must be the person who wishes for it to occur to take a courageous step forward and do what you regretted not doing.



Afterall, why regret not changing the past when you can change the present? 

Omg I forgot to add!! He added me on facebook. The last person on my mind who I thought will never be able to find my account!
Thinking how I don't go onto facebook often, I did a rare thing and accepted his request.
Hope I don't regret this decision!

Somehow after I started blogging again, my writing skills are slowly coming back to me, after abstaining from essay writing for about 3 months. Not that I'm saying it is a bad thing but that it really came back to me at the right time when I am busy crafting out essays for scholarship submissions. In just these 2 days tons of stuff happened. Both hilarious and disappointing.

On a bright note, I passed my BTT!!! 50/50!! I was quite happy when I passed because it means that I can finally apply for a PDL and finally sit at the driver's seat! That moment of happiness immediately disappeared the moment I stepped out of the test room as I found out that the whole system regarding the application for a PDL crashed. To highlight the severity of the situation: Without a PDL, I cannot apply for a driving lesson, cannot apply for FTT, basically, I can sit behind the wheel. My dad actually when to inquire the lady seated behind the counter on the duration of the crash and her reply was:

"1 hour? 2 hours? Half a day? Can't really tell."

When I heard the 1 hour, I was thinking okay, I can still wait for an hour but came the half a day and I was like forget it. We are coming back another day. Just as we were about to leave, a PRC tapped my shoulder and spoke in chinese asking me to help him translate what the malay lady was asking him to do. I was seriously not the right person, seeing as I scored a D for A level Chinese and haven't spoken proper chinese in like ages. So I went "shi test ni de eyesight." At that moment I was like shit. Hahaha. There is no way he was gonna understand me. Surprisingly he did! Eventually, I found out (with much difficulty) that the lady wanted him to say out the colours. At least my knowledge of chinese allowed me to translate that part. Haha. The funniest past was that he said the colours out in chinese! To the poor malay lady. I had no idea how she understood what he said but apprently she did cause she went on to the next section and by then my dad had dragged me away cause I was stoning thinking how to translate each colour from chinese to english. Hahaha!

This is a sign that I should never migrate to China because there will definitely be a language barrier though I am a Chinese myself. Hahaha. After that, I headed off to school to thank my tutors and ask about my letters of recommendation. I went to ask my chem tutor for one and initially she agreed but later that night she called to say that she may not be the best choice regarding certain position of hers but I'll find out the main reason from her on Thursday. Sorry guys, but I respect her privacy so I won't blog about it. :) Anyway, that led me to this morning where I asked my physics teacher for one but he rejected me as he had many others to write for. By then I was really freaking out cause I needed one by 31st March to apply for the scholarship. So I texted my math tutor. Thank goodness she was willing to write one for me. Or so I thought. Apparently she wants me to send her a draft and she will edit from there. Hahaha. In my head, I was like are you serious? So I'm uh going to recommend myself? Why not? Haha. I went on asking her how do you write a letter of recommendation and her reply was it's your job to find out. -.-" Anyway, I just did and it turns out to be easier than I expected. So at least I will have one letter down and it'll depend on my CT next. Sigh.

It's getting late and I have piano tomorrow, so I shall end it here. :D
Record for 2013! Longest post ever!

BTT

Going back to school tomorrow to hound my teachers for appraisal and letters of recommendations. Hahaha. Have no idea who I should ask though. Shall decide tomorrow. Haha. Planning to ask my chem teacher for one for theA*Star scholarship but the thought of seeing her again brings dread. She did a pretty good job of fearing her for the rest of my life. Hahaha. But I really owe her for my A. Hard to believe that I'm saying this but she can teach quite well though my class is probably on her hate list. Hahaha. I have to update my cca records too cause my 2011 CIP hours aren't reflected on it. SIGH.

Seriously, why am I stressing myself over with applications? Oh and latest news, apparently to take up life sciences in NUS I need H2 biology which I didn't take and what's even better is that I have to go through a bridging course and pass their test in order to enter their course. I'm willing to attend the bridging course but if it clashes with my overseas trip, how to go?!?! I am not willing to forgo my chance to go to US just to stay in Singapore to study!! Sobs. Anyway, I praying that if there is indeed a bridging programme I just have to go before june or after june. Then I can still go for my holiday. Haha.

Tomorrow is going to be my BTT. Finally. After that I can start partical lessons officially. :)
Really can't wait to pass!

What's Next?

At a loss as to what to do besides applying for stuff. Sigh. Have so much forms to fill, essays to write, personal particulars to enter. This is when I wish everything was automated. Like all I have to do is to key in my name and miraculously, everything will be filled. HAHA. Serious wishful thinking.

Anyway, finally submitted my first university application! To NTU of course. That's like the only university of which I'm sure as to what courses I want to take. For a moment I actually panicked cause on results day we received a yellow bag containing all the details regarding university applications but there was zero on NTU. I'm kinda glad at this point that I actually attended the NTU talk at MBS to gain some info of what are the various courses available and found the one I wanted. :D The catch here was that, being the forgetful me, I forgot where I placed that stack of booklets containing my future. So for an hour, everything was a mad rush, scrambling to find the booklets in this house of mine and eventually I did. Thank heavens!

To cut the long story short, I eventually submitted my application with the aid of the booklets. :) Biological sciences here I come! I think either tomorrow or Monday I will start filling in the forms for NTU scholarships. Can't believe that I am actually going to apply for them. Like what the professor during the talk said "Why don't any of you want 'free money'?" Haha. Indeed. Since my brother is entering university the same time as me I think a scholarship will really ease the financial burden on my mum. Then again, getting one isn't that easy. I'm going to have a list of interview dates ahead of me if I do indeed get selected! Having my fingers crossed. >.<

Tomorrow is going to be another busy day for me. Got to prepare for my Basic Theory Test on Monday. Everyone is telling me how easy and common sense it is so I am really hope based on my limited common sense I am able to pass it with flying colours. Hahaha. Sigh, so much things happening at once, I wish things would slow down and give me a breather. At least when I have finished submitting all my applications I am able to enjoy my holiday again.

Can't wait for this friday though, going for Adam Lambert's concert! Can finally enjoy him performing live without standing for ages and sweaty guys rubbing themselves agaist me. That was horrible. To tell you the truth, I'm more excited about CN Blue coming than Adam Lambert. Want a comparison? I am counting down to 13th April when Cn Blue is performing whereas I forgot that Adam Lambert was coming to town on friday.

That is the difference.

Unexpected Result.

The fact that I am actually typing this means that I have survived another major results day. The next one up will probably be for my Honours or Permanent Head Damage. If I do make it that far. Definitely keeping my fingers crossed.

So, how did I feel receiving my results? Simply shocked. To the point where words can't express what I felt. We gathered at the hall at 14:30 and sat in our classes. By then, my nerves were really killing me and I was trembling. The principal took the mic and gave her usual speech and oh, before that Ms Su came up to deal with the admin stuff and I really had a hard time concentrating on what she was saying as half or almost all of my efforts went to stopping myself from shivering like a dog left in the rain. Back to the principal's speech, she went on to announce the top class, top students, students with exemplary character who did well, CCA members who did well so on so forth. Yeah, as expected I wasn't in one of them. But by then, my mind went to wondering what if I screwed up such that I didn't obtain a single A at all. Obviously, I just freaked myself even more by thinking that way but just in time they announced the release of everyone's results.

I was the third to go to the front and receive it but before that we had to sign some form and update our personal details. Now, my hands were shaking like mad and I couldn't write properly. Haha. My email became so crooked and if you ever saw that piece of paper you wouldn't have believed that I was the one who wrote it. Hahaha. Finally, the moment that I have been anticipaing for the last 3 months had arrived. I shook my home tutor's hand and he looked at me and said congratulations. Here, I was thinking okay, may not have been that bad after all and little did I expect him to tell me my results out front that everything except GP was an A.

Seriously, I think I stopped breathing at this moment. The first thought that went through my mind was "My math got A??????" After that paper, I firmly believed that my math was beyond salvation but who knew, my hunches were wrong after all! If you asked how I felt, I would tell you I didn't have much feeling after that actually. Happy yes, but more worried for my friends than thinking about my grades. I was definitely sad leaving my school but I really hope I get the chance to catch up with them again!! On a serious note, I really thank God for His strength and power in guiding me and helping me achieve what I did today. I can officially say that the chapter of my life as a college student has come to a wonderful end and next up will be the ups and downs of my soon-to-be university life.

On a happy note, I bought my CN BLUE  concert tickets!!!
Going there with no worries!

But first, I have to settle my uni admission and scholarship applications.
Sighpie.

I decided to change my blogskin to give this blog more life and a sort of feel to it. :) It's to help me start afresh on this blog and to continue filling it with events or stories about my life.

It's like 1.36am which is damn late and I am getting kinda sleepy so I shall keep it short.
Today was the last day at work for me. I kinda had mixe feelings leaving the office. I definitely miss the people there and it has been an mazing experience, all the fun and laughter. Looking back now, though it was only for a month, I don't regret choosing this job at all. :) After that, had a conference call with my lovelies and it has definitely been a long time though we spoke recently. Tomorrow is gonna be either good or bad and I am not looking forward to it. Sigh.

Anyway, to sum it up, please let tmr be one of the best days of my life. >.<

Asphalt road.
A road that is never ending.
An endlessly lonely road yet many choose to take up such a path including me.
Everyday thoughts of "what am I going to do next" pops up.
Isn't this suppose to be a holiday?
A holiday down an asphalt road. How ironic.
Second guessing myself isn't a good idea right now but I am really stuck in the middle of nowhere.
Come to think of it, I'm no different from the rest.
Following what the others want me to do.
And the next question pops up.
Then what?

Shucks. I really want to write all of this messed up feelings out and lay it down somewhere for me to consider and sort them out into categories.
It'll be kinda cool to be able to dissect whatever feelings I have and think about why I'm feeling this way. Currently, this idea is not progressing well but it is sort of helping I guess.
I don't even know what I'm typing this time round.

Sighpie.