It was the first time I tried for an internship. Maybe it was the way I replied her email? Maybe it was the lack of biology knowledge? But whatever the reason was I did not make the cut. It would definitely be a lie if I said it didn't hurt or I don't feel upset. After all, I applied it with a friend. The suckiest thing is that she got in while I didn't. Don't get me wrong, I am not blaming her or swearing at her for getting it. I am truly and deeply happy for her. But it just sucks to know that I can't do it with her and am left on my own to give another internship somewhere another shot. I am definitely jealous that she got it but I didn't but it's a feeling I can't help I guess. I really wanted this. I went through all the effort to get the necessary documents and again and again I bumped into hurdles and I guess it was fate telling me to stop. Of course, the stubborn me refused to listen and tried all means and methods to obtain them. I guess this is one incident that will be written as effort not paid off.

The anticipation of receiving an email to say that I have received it along with time slowly ticking away, it really hit me hard that I really didn't get it. Say I was overconfident, I didn't put in enough effort, all these thoughts can't help but rise to the surface when I start to doubt my position in the internship. After a whole night of endless anticipation, I decided to give it a rest and hopefully the next day will bring good news. Sadly, it only made reality harder and sharper but I guess after you accept it, reality becomes easier to swallow? I know this is a rather small thing to get upset over but thinking how I spent my entire dec trying to find the necessary documents, craft out the proper write up and letters, it's really not fair.

When it comes to things like these, I can't escape from competition I guess, there are people out there who are smarter and more knowledgeable in biology than me. After all, at that point in time, I was as good as applying with 1/2 A lvl knowledge on biology. Who am I kidding. The funny thing is, I am posting my feelings onto a website where anyone hardly reads yet I feel the need to apologise for ranting and feeling upset. I think I learnt something about myself through this whole experience. I really do like to keep my worries and feelings bottled up and do not wish for others to be burdened by my feelings. This habit of mine is really not well.

I really hope that after accepting reality and penning my thoughts down, the feelings will remain here in this post and never bother me again. After this, I will not think about this incident of the past and look forward to reapplying and trying other internships. On the bright side, at least I will have my first summer holidays free to participate in camps and go for a well deserved holiday with my family and research properly for SEP and make sure I do not screw up this time.

After my holiday and burying the past and starting year 2 anew, I will definitely apply for this internship again. With a more knowledgeable me, with a more experienced me and a more hardworking and as determined as ever me. For the internship I am not willing to let go, work hard to become a better future me.


Competition is filled with smarties, they are missing a hardworking skittle.