It was a first for me to be called a 'freaking liar' by one of my close friends and though I may be convincing myself that she meant it in the joking manner, it still hurts. Technically, what I said wasn't a lie. I mean, come on, how is 'jia you~~ It's the last lap!' a lie? Unless you are in denial, thinking that A levels are not coming up. Recently, I've been feeling like you treat me like crap and truthfully speaking I'm tired. Tired of your endless complaints like you are the only one in the world who is suffering from not doing well from prelims. Seriously, there are others who are not in great shape either so instead of moping around, why not brush yourself up and fight the last part with whatever you got? I tried to tell you, encourage you to not give up but you simply give up. Sure, I see you putting in the effort to brush up but to forsake one subject as well? Telling me that you need someone to force you and you have no idea where to start, I gave you a starting point but you simply brush it off with a sigh. Why not you tell me what to do next? Help you? I think you need to recognise that you have to help yourself first before others can help you.

I gave you whatever help I could but you wouldn't even open the book to practice. What do you expect me to do next? Whenever I gave you encouragement or try to change your pessimistic views, all I get is a 'You rubbish' or 'stop it kay'. So I'm back to square one. What in the world do you want me to tell you? Go ahead, fail. Yeah, you are so screwed. You can go screw physics as well. Heck, just drop out. Seriously, do I look like that kind of person who will heartlessly say those words to you? You have no idea how much I want to help you pass and do well but the way you are treating me just isn't it. Everytime you will get me to follow your ways no matter what I feel about it. I try and tell you what I really want to tell you but you make it hard. If it's not what you want to hear, oh yeah, sure, ignore me and throw a tantrum whenever you want and keep looking at your phone too. It'll help. I'm tired of being a 'replacement' to you where you come to me because I'll follow whatever you suggest. That makes me feel like a freaking pushover and that I can't speak up for myself. Everytime I try, I keep telling myself next time it'll be different or this is just temporary but I'm running out of next time's. I reall have no idea what my next step is or what to tell you next.

If you think that the whole world is turning against you, let me say this first, it was you who turned against the world. I give up. Your stubborn, impulsive mannerism has finally broke my last thread of patience and I'm gonna leave it as it is. I'm not going to be the one who says sorry. Not this time.

It has definitely been a long while. To the point where i can't even recognise the layout for blogger. Haha. The other day I actually had a friend asking me if I ever had a blog. I actually told her I did and showed it to her. She did call me old fashion but hey, I'm a diary kind of person. Haha. That got me thinking that I haven't typed anything in here for a while, so I decided to bring it back to life today. :D

I don't really know where to start but let's start with the basics first? Today was kinda exciting, given that my brother actually experienced a flat tyre while he was driving today and believe me when I say the hole was big. Haha. He is probably going to remember this day for life. Okay, I think I have kinda warmed up and my thoughts are finally flowing to me. :D

Anyway, A's are just round the corner and honestly I don't feel prepared. Then again, who does? My sis just ended PSLE and like her, I really do have the urge to party too. :'( But I really have to focus and get my stuff together. There have been countless times when I wished I was back in Secondary school where things weren't as stressful as they are now. Sighpie. But the thought of me having to face A levels no matter how I look at it, gives me the motivation to hang in there and get it over and done with. Seriously, I regret looking forward to coming to JC. Haha, the previous times in secondary school, I can't believe I actually wished for JC life to come ASAP. I'm trying to absorb the fact that I was so naive last time. Oh well, guessed JC life has changed me. Recently, I really feel like I have changed, not really sure in which aspect but I definitely took a step away from myself and became someone different. Hopefully, it doesn't become too drastic. Heh.

Well, Monday there is an upcoming Econs mock exam and I haven't studied. Screwed. I'm miraculously hoping that I am able to finish the entire H1 Econs syllabus by tomorrow night. Haha. Talking about that, Vettel got Pole again! HAH. I'M SO PROUD OF HIM! Really wish I could fly to Japan now to support him but I really lack the funds. I am actually planning to save up and but a grandstand ticket to watch him next year. And my parents called me nuts but it's a once in a life time chance for me to see him stand at the the podium, LIVE!!! I really hope he wins tomorrow and he will be 3 time world champion! GAH.

Okay, gonna end it here.

In this one month, I'm gonna prove to myself:
The sky is my limit.

My little book of inspiration to study!!!!

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty
Oh and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting
Keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack

It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness
Oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here


"Angel" - Sarah McLachlan