March hols are here again!!! So fast! This coming Monday is going to be a special day for me. In fact its the date that counts not the day. Exactly 3 years ago if you asked me what's so special about March 14th, I'll probably say nothing. Yet who knew the following year it would become like this? I'm not gonna say everything again, you can just check the post I posted on that date. Everything wasn't the same again.

It's been 2 years since I saw her smile. 2 years since I hugged her. 2 years since I laid on the bed next to her complaining about my day or just stoning next to her. I miss her. Though its been 2 years, I really miss her now. I miss her telling me in her unspoken yet tender ways of telling me that everything is going to be okay. I miss having her at her usual place where I can just pour everything out to her. Now, she's a fleeting memory to some. All I have left are her teachings and memories of her as far as I can remember. Distance sure does make the heart grow fonder but wherever she went, she isn't coming back. That is the irrevocable truth. One that I have psyched myself into believing after a week since she left.

Now as I think back, what really got me through the O's, to get me on to study was actually her. Somehow, that day after March hols I started studying even more. Telling myself that I am going to make her proud. I don't care if I had troubles or was struggling through Physics. What really got me my grades was the thought of me making her proud or actually knowing that if she was still here, she would be proud of me.

That brings me back to this term. Though school has been tough. With the fitting in and all. Today somehow brought me back to 2 years ago. The drive to do well and making her even more proud of me. Lately I've been feeling depressed thinking I'm kinda annoying towards my friends. Feeling envy for others and demoralising myself. But I think its just me thinking too much. Who cares if others fit in better than me? If I have to take twice as long then so be it. If others take a lesson to understand a concept and I take a week, so what? What matters is my effort in making sure I understand and can get to where I am aiming for. Who cares if my school A level grades weren't good? I wil make sure I end up in the percentage where I get my A's. All I know is that she is watching over me and I'm sure she wants me to do well and I am not letting her down. Not one bit.

Term 2 is gonna be a brand new start. I will continue to smile and be who I am; happy and cheerful, regardless of the obsticles that are coming up. :D

I used to have dreams about her, but it stopped one day. If I do ever dream about her again, I hope I'll be able to tell her these words.
"Ah mah, thank you for everything."