One of the few things I learnt today was never have any expectations at all.
I rather be taken by surprise than you look at it and feel disappointed just cause it wasn't what you wanted it to be.
Anybody would be happy with a 61 with Physics. I should be. But its just disppointment. Its like you studied so hard and it just doesn't cover. That wasn't that bad.
Chemistry was just crap. I spent one whole day or 1 and a half days studying for it and my grades dropped. 66.5. How sucky is that. And I could have gotten higher if I just didn't fucking screw up my MCQ. That is what everybody wants to say. Including me. But it doesn't change anything. Only if I did this, only if I did that. How far is the "only if" ever going to take me? What done is done yet I can't just help feeling disppointed. Especially Chem.
It hurts to the point where I want to cry. But I can't because I promised Cheryl I won't. And you have my word I won't.
But I can't deny that the feeling of disppointment is there. I just got to let this all out. Before I study for SPA tommorow. Everything feels surreal. I have another fucking exam tomorrow and I'm so not in the mood to study. But if I don't study its going to be another disappointmen for me tomorrow and the whoe cycle repeats of me going "only if" or "I should have done" or "why didn't I do it?"

***
This is going to be another stepping stone. This disappointment will be my stepping stone.
Just waiting for myself to get over this and pick myself up again.