I'm not going to write about my day today. I need some stress relief. I feel damn stressed up, even though exams are over and all.
I asked this question to Averil before. "Do you regret coming to this class."
When i think about it now, I regret it a bit. The people are great just that I really miss my ex classmates, especially my partner. Come to think of it, she was the best partner. Not that I'm complaining I hate my this year's partner. Its just that I find it hard to get along with her... I feel damn stressed out about my results no matter how many times I tell myself to do better, the worse scenario pops into my head.

Me dropping physics, coming last in class, failing english, everything. When I think about it, I only know one person in that class who I'm comfortable sharing my inner feelings with. I find myself thinking everyday what happens if I'm no longer friends with her? Who do I go to then? Sometimes, like now, I want to get rid of all these off my chest but I really really am at a lost to who I should go to... Unlike other people, even though I don't seem like it, I really have a hard time making friends.

This year I have to say its one of the most stressful year ever. Right now, I'm thinking on how to complete my brisbane project. I hate this part of me, thinking about unnecessary things, making myself even more stress. I find myself even going to the point of asking is this what I really want to do?? Is this right??? I really dunno.... If I had medication to numb my thoughts I wouldn't mind going on an overdose.

Seriously, at this rate I'm just stressing myself out. I'm just tired... really really tired. Not physically but mentally.... somehow by posting this, I feel even worse....


Lord, help me, please.

Holidays are coming up and I am E.X.C.I.T.E.D!!!
There are like loads of things happening this june hols.
I shall sum up a few: (from most excited to the least)

1. Going to KL!!!
2. Going out with my ex classmates this sat!
3. Watching Monsters vs Alien with sis and lummie
4. Friends coming over!
5. Finish brisbane project
the last is...finish hol hw...

Nothing much to type... tomorrow is lessons as usual...
A big SIGH

Today was the BEST day of my life! :D Went out for the first time this year with my friends!
It started with me walking to cheryl's house and on the way there this woman carrying an umbrella and then I think I bumped into her and I was like oops sorry. After that, I was waiting for cheryl at the traffic light. I regreted wearing long sleves cause it was so bloody hot that I purposly went into 7-eleven just for air con. Hahaha. Of course cheryl found this wu liao.

Waited for the bus and off to the mrt we went. We waited for Shermain and then on the train we went to plaza singapura!!! Hahaha. The main purpose was to watch wolverine; X-men origins. I tell you that is a show worth watching!!!! But it only started at 2:10 so we had 4 hours to waste. We wandered around and I went into Sembawang to ask for the latest green day cd. But the guy was like you have to wait for the stock to be delivered. I was like okay... what time? And he said 2. But that clashed with the show. So I had to wait after the show before I could finally get my hands on it. Haiz...

Anyway, interesting part, LUNCH!!! Omg, it was damn funny!!!! We ate at Carl junior's and I ordered famous star and apparently cheryl and shermain ordered the same thing. Hahaha. We were playing and stuff. At the last part, I couldn't finish my fries I was seriously stuffed! Haha. But I told cheryl that I could stuff the last 6 fries into my mouth but she kept freaking laughing. So I ended up laughing too. Haha. She also asked me to help her top up and I was like I mix anything? She said yeah. So I added ice lemon tea with coke with sprite and FnN. Did it taste nice? Nope. According to her it tasted like detergent. Haha.

After lunch we went walking around. I tell you the last floor of plaza sing is damn cool!!!!! There was this shop that sold swords! I was like omg damn cool! They sold ichigo's sword, kanda's sword, rukia's sword, Aizen's sword. etc... DAMN COOL!!! They were all real, sharp swords! When I earn $298, I'm so gonna buy the swords!

There was also this shop that sold cosplay clothes. Damn cool! I'm gonna buy the vamp knights school uniform man!!!

And I finally got my GREEN DAY CD!!!!!!!! Overall, today was damn nice... words would be hard to explain today. Haha. I really hope to do this again soon! What you think guys? :D

wait for it.....wait for it.....

OMG!!!!!!!! IT'S FREAKING OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

:D

The doctor said I may have pneumonia.

Sick again... This time it's worse. Had like fever of 39.1 degrees yesterday. Haha. And I wanted to do ting li with that. Really wrong time to fall sick. My mid years are like 6 days from now. OMG~~ Freaking out right now. Wait, looking on the bright side, its less then 3 weeks to play!!!
Now I must focus on getting good grades. But I can't when I feel like shit.

Last night, my fever was up again, so I was freezing cold and so I tried to sleep with just the fan but I woke up at 1 to feel freaking hot. Haha. So i switched on the air con and slept again. Next I woke up at 4 I think, and my nose started running. I was so pissed cause it wouldn't stop!!!! I used like 40 pieces of tissue last night. Now my nose hurts cause I blew it too much. So far this morning its still running and I finished two packets of tissue already now hitting on the box one. I think NTUC would love me if I were like this everyday. This morning I got a shock when I took my temp again. It was 38.9. Like 0.2 drop since yesterday. But now I feel cooler. I really hate missing school especially when its so close to the mid years. Haiz...

Ooops, need to take med.

Its freaking hot... Today was quite okay for me. When I look back to yesterday's post I guess I did sound very emo. Well, incase you are worried. I'm feeling fine now. I guess I just needed some time on my own. Haha.

Tonight is going to be my birthday dinner. :D I finally can watch my D gray man DVD!!!!! WOO!!!! The whole freaking series!!!!!! Wait, mid years come first. Haiz... Hardly studied yesterday and today I was practically running round the whole place. I finally had the chance to use the com and the day must be so hot. I wonder what will be my birthday presents. Haha. Surprise surprise. I can't believe it, this year is passing by damn fast. Its my birthday in 3 days time. Before I know it, here comes christmas followed by O level's!!!

Okay, Stephanie... thinking too far ahead. Haha. Surprisingly, I'm looking forward to school on monday. Cause it will then be one more day till ice cream party!!!! :DD

Guess that's all I'm talking about for today. Current mood now is relatively happy. :D

I hate myself. I seriously hate myself.
Starting of this year I thought Sec 3 was going to be different. I thought I would be different. But apparently not. I have no idea why I am the only one in the family who is like that.
Why do I find it hard to make friends?
Why do I end up being left behind again? Its like Sec 1 all over again. Sometimes, I wonder would it have been different if I left for another school?
See, this always happens. I end up thinking too much. I guess thinking being in a new class I could let my guard down a bit....

I think I really am adopted. My bro and sis doesn't seem to be having this problem. Practically everyone is their friend. I just end up being sticky all the same. On top of that I became quiet again... Always thinking about stuff.... Hate this part of me...

For the first time, I'm not looking forward to my birthday. Time and time again it has always been the same. How would this be any different? Sigh... I feel like crying my troubles out but the thing is I can't... I don't know why. I feel like telling someone all these but the words just won't come out. Omg, this sucks big time.

Want to know what I found out about myself this year?
I suck, I am lame and of course ultra stupid. Who could have guessed? I was so stupid that I took so long to find out I was a total jerk who sprouts nonsense and hurts people around me.
Maybe living a life alone ain't that bad after all...

I didn't go to school today. :D I was down with fever and stomach flu. Now the fever is gone but still have the stomach flu. Haha. I feel like the Lord is blessing me with a few days off as my March holiday. Because as some of you might have known I really didn't have that great a holiday.

I was doing some blog surfing just now, haha. It seems I'm quite outdated.

So I decided to post. You know, I finally understood what someone told me before.
It's really not great to have best friends cause it really hurts when they backstab you.
To me, it was a really good friend who did it. I thought I used to know her but as they say people do change. Sigh....

Now I'm really confused. Nevermind. I shan't say anymore. Its a secret for myself and myself only.

The beginning of today sucked. Literally.
Reached class after my run, Cheryl got mad at me. I mean seriously mad. I dunno why. Due to that, I refused to talk to her. When she's in that mood, I'll only get hurt both physically and by words either way.

After that was CE. We had washing of feet. :D I washed Sheryl's and she washed mine. The whole indoor sports hall was like filled with laughter and of course we got scolded. Saying we didn't treat this session with much holiness and solemnity. "But I mean come on, washing of feet in an indoor sports hall? The venue was all wrong. And we didn't really clam down to prepare ourselves..." That is what I am feeling; what I want to say. But its holy week and I am trying to change. As in from now on, I won't push the blame on anybody else but myself. :D

I am going to try. Changing myself will lead to others changing. And that is what I'm going to do.
Okay rushing for time. I'm gonna sum up my day in points. Of course from worst to best! :D

1. Didn't talked to her during recess.
2. didn't do chemistry
3. Mr Tang made me depressed with his 3 more weeks till exams.
4. Didn't bring chemistry pract. book to lab
5. She dao me.
6. Didn't take necip form had to rush back down
7. rushed off for piano
8. rained on the way
9. I got 41/50 for my bao zhang du hou gan!!!
10.She started talking to me
11. Scales was a okay!!!!
12. Tomorrow playing the piano in school!
13. Finished hw!!!
14. She called!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:D

My first post in April! Its like my both good and bad month.
Good as in 17 more days till my birthday!
Bad that there is mid year coming up....

I don't care I am banning myself from the phone. Hahaha. I find that I'm using it too much. And I guess the other party is getting scolded too cause of me. Haha.

Had piano today. I guess you could say I'm quite happy
1. Teacher said my second piece was good! :D
2. She didn't test me my scales. :DD (cause I didn't practice)

in like an hour time, I leaving for cath class. Up next is mass. I'm such a bad catholic. Don't go for mass every week. Haha. Told that to my senior and she said if I didn't go for mass this week she's gonna kill me and drag me down for mass next week. Haha.

Yesterday had pt and then my senior showed me a new route where I can take 4 buses home. :D Maybe I'll show a certain someone the route some time soon. It's so much faster... But a long way to walk. Sadly to say. Haha. And its quite scary. I may get killed. Haha.

Considering my personality. I conclude I'm a happy person. Cause my sis pointed out that after every sentence there is a "haha" and I agree. If you receive msgs from me there is bound to be a 'haha' in all of them. :D Well, wei wei taught me that.... I kinda miss re. Haven't talked to her in a long time. Maybe I drop a call sometime soon. Hahaha.

5 words.
And 5 words it shall be.

I FINISHED MY FREAKING HOMEWORK!

:D

I won my 5 bucks. :D
After this day I hope life would be as per normal. Well almost at least. Still got that whole load of hw. I plan to finish A maths by tonight. Left with that stupid paper and I'm down with ss, geog and eng. If Cheryl heard about this, I will never see day light again. Come to think of it. I haven't talked to her in 2 days. And its still ongoing. It is going to continue until she wants to talk to me. :D (Strike)

According to my so called fool-proof plan, I am doing notes from fri till Sunday. By hook or by crook I must be done with all my notes for the upcoming tests. Seriously speaking I feel damn tired. And if you noticed that my posts had actually 1 month gap between them but now its everyday, well, this is like my source of comfort. Haha. How ironic. Comfort from
a non-living thing. To phrase it right, I express better with words like in letters or blogs. Have always been that way.

Sigh.... Another 20+ maths questions to go. Wish me luck. Ending with a short prayer today. Dinner time anyways.

(Dear God, please bless me with the courage and determination to finish the w/s by tonight.... )

Today was hw cramming day.Posting at midnight. Talk about pro man! :D Tomorrow (or should I say in exactly 12 and a half hours time) I would be in the bus on the way to mandai. I predict I would breakdown. Betting with myself 5 bucks. Either way the money would be mine. :D

Dam sleepy but I think I'll sleep after this. A big day ahead of me. My brain is like filled with so many things until I'm getting a headache. Wanna know my list?

1. How on earth am I to complete homework
2. I am screwed for geog project
3. I think Cheryl hates me. (That's why I'm on ..... not telling)
4. How will it be like after the cremation
5. How to cram in for my tests?
6. Fail la, fail la
7. Die la, Die la
8. My coffin will be brown
9. Shut up brain!

Yupp. A few things that my useless brain is thinking of now. 7 mins past midnight. Spacing out in front of the com and then listening to my grand uncle's children talking about phone, ipods, shares, and the guy I tell you has said **** at least 10 times... Sigh. Finally peace. I just notice I wonder alot. Hahaha. :D Now I'm wondering what to do tomorrow? SS? Geog? Or English? Or A maths. Haiz....

Maybe I'll drop a call, maybe I won't....

Today passed quite fast surprisingly. But I still have tonns of homework to do. It's almost as if it's never ending. But mainly cause I'm not touching it. Haha. Went to cheryl's house today. We were suppose to do hw, not that we never do or anything, but let's just say we slacked a bit. Fine make it alot. Haha.

We did Physics, Chemistry and yeah. That's all. Haha. So productive I know. For the first time in like a million years, I ate at longhouse. :D Omg, the ban mian was damn nice and spicy too. :D Snack on loads of cookies and chips, I tell you, if my mum found out, I'llbe dead meat. But its kind of lame to keep it a secret and post it on my blog where every-one CAN see. So smart of me right? I know. xD

Played wii at the last part. The bunny game was quite fun. It was very funny though. Sigh. I feel like typing about her brother but I shan't. He really pissed me off at the last part though. Bloody **** call me fat.... I should have retaliated. Wonder why I didn't. I really got to fix that part of me that is easily bullied. Hate it man! Argh! Piss me off. And I thought her brother wasn't bad.... I should make a mental note to not judge a book just by its cover.

Came back at around 5:45. :D Home sweet home. Went to bathe after sitting awhile and then had dinner. Tung hun with samosa and chilli sotong and some stir fried veggie not forgetting chicken with thai sauce. It was nice!!! I am suppose to do hw now but they seem to be so far awa even though they are just in the room next to me. Hahaha. Blame my inertia. Hahaha.

Guess I'll stop here for today. May post tmr if I've the time. :D

I wanted to post yesterday. But i guess I was too caught up with things.
Still am though.

I will always remember this march holiday. I still think this is a dream though. I sound like i'm typing a story. Hahaha. Friday the 13th, I wonder if the taboo is really true. I forgot to bring my comb, blouse and some books. And it was the last time I saw my grandmother.

I mean I do see her now, except its in a coffin. I remember the last conversation I had with her. She was telling me how rought my brother was with my sister. Haha. And I said bye to her. I kind of regret not hugging her. Yesterday was a shock to me. And it still is. I was thinking maybe its a nightmare that seems real. But who am I kidding?

7 in the morning, I arrived at my grandparents place. I still remember the position she was in when I reached upstairs. Her eyes were closed as if sleeping, mouth agap. Just that she was paler and colder. She had a bit of foam coming out but it looked like she was sleeping.

Of course I cried. I thought I wouldn't though cause I didn't for my grandfather. But maybe that was cause I wasn't that close to him. I'm kinda happy yet sad. I'm happy that she is finally relieved of her pain and suffering after so long but sad that she went away in the early morning when I wasn't there.

But my grandfather must be in a worse state then I'm in. Imagining waking up to find your wife dead eventhough she was up likce 2 hours ago... So now is the wake. You can never imagine the atmosphere yesterday, people crying, I felt like crap yesterday. And last night I couldn't sleep. Everyime I closed my eyes. I see my grandmother and nostalgia fills me. Hahaha. (So chim like )
But it was true. For the first time, I prayed myself to sleep; willing God to stop my brain from thinking for a moment so that I could sleep.

I really miss her, I really do. And now I'm thinking, what will happen if my grandfather dies? My other grandmother? My mum, dad??? Myself even... Sigh If I feel like this now, what will happen to me on wednesday? When the body is sent for cremation?

I'm really messed up right now. Never will I forget this, Never will I be deleting this.

For the first time, I only had maths hw!
So happy.
What i did today can be summerised in 3 words.
I fa dai-ed.

My animeseason finally gave me a good link to watch my season two!
I'm one happy girl! :D

I have a freaking a maths test this wed.
Deep down inside, I think I'm gonna fail.
I really don't understand the find all the values of k for x2-2x+8 if all the values for x is real.
i'm like ???????

Sigh. Physics is also another one.
I was suppose to do notes today. But my brain has been fried due to a maths.
And its only using 5% of my brain. I wonder what would 90% feel like.
Head might burst I guess.

Now sailing is gonna be twice a week. Time for studying will shrink even more...

My second post!
Gonna be short though...
I've been so busy. Got 6 tests coming up.
And confirmation on hand.
I've just been told that I'd be having a camp this march hols.
And there is also the life sciences program.

There goes my March hols.
But I'm very happy that this monday is a holiday!
I'm gonna do my notes. If not I won't get anymore chances,
:D

I still have e maths hw, zhou ji, ss research. I'm goona do those once I reach my parent's place.
I just came home from cath class. My one and only break. Then its d gray man in an hours time.
Come to think of it I haven't watched Bleach...

Life is suddenly so stressful.
Only one month has passed...
Here's a question to think about.

Why is snow white?
(I love being philosophical)
Because it has long fogotten its original colour.

Like us humans, we wear many masks and soon forget our original "selves"... :D

WELCOME 2009!!!

Reason why I haven't posted for 2009 yet was cause I was so busy! 5 days into school and I have enough hw to last for 2 weeks!

Sigh. I really miss 2/3. I'm not that used to my class yet. With all the scholars and new people. The only person which was from 2/3 with me now is Julia. I got to admit she's okay, once I did get to know her. I only know 2 scholars. One is Daryl and Fei Fei.

They are really friendly (not to forget smart.) And now I've maths everyday, which means I get headache everyday. Seriously, I think I'm slow... I take like 2-4 mins longer to grasp the concept than the scholars. There is one scholar I really one to know and that is Shelia. I dunno but she reminds me of someone. I can't rmb who... Haha. She's quite funny also. A lot of things happened this past week... But I'm too tired to list them out. It feels like I've been attending school for one month already....

Well, at a glimpse, I took height and weight today, guess I'll be in taf club again...And the stupid Mr Chan said "What have you been eating?!?" Bloody idiot.... I lost weight already!!!! Can't help that I'm born with big bones okay.... So it's not all fats....

Okay, its friday!!! At last. Gonna read manga.... I haven't for a long long time... Thanks to hw. Will post next sat. Friday got sailing. I skipped today's one cause I'm sick! :D Down with flu. Once its cured, I'm running E-V-E-R-Y-D-A-Y!